THE BEGINING OF A LOVE STORY

My experience with needing to look a certain way wasn't just a phase or an 'adolescent ' thing rather it was something I had to deal with through out my life. Okay so for starters back in the good old school days I was what you call your 'typical nerd' ; glasses, oily hair and hiding behind a book. But times were simpler then, I thought I was beautiful. Not to mention, I even had a crush on this guy. I hadn't told him yet though. But his friends found out and they approached me only to tell me that I would never be 'pretty enough' for him. It stung , it hurt to even think of that moment but as always I found solace in my books. Now mine was a CBSE school in Mumbai and of course we did the whole seating arrangement thing for every exam. After entering the exam hall I noticed that another boy was sitting at my place and when he saw me coming he got up and looked at his friend who was to sit beside me and pretend to throw up and told "hard luck bro" as they were expecting a 'pretty girl' to sit there. But it wasn't anger that I felt rather it was sadness that consumed me and the burning feeling of hatred for myself. I watched my self esteem die. Ah man, do I regret letting him copy! Well I suppose it was between these incidents that a young school girl developed the desire to look different, to look like the other girls. However amongst all this I found a way to comfort myself. I reminded myself that they were immature and insensitive. Soon enough two board exams went by and I found my self living the college days in Mumbai. I never actually took that much effort into dressing up for college whereas most of the girls did their hair and makeup. But one day I woke up with a sudden desire to try on some kajal. Funny how the excitement I felt didn't last very long. I was pointed out by one of the girls that "glasses and kajal doesn't go, Kajal isn't meant for you yaar". But this time it wasn't just sadness. I felt something different, a tinge of determination. I made it a point that I would always wear kajal. Time went by and the taunting never stopped. However, things were different. I was working by now and finally had my own money. I began paying more attention to how I look and started spending on different products. I woke up early to do my hair and makeup before getting to the office, dare not I go as myself. I couldn't bare to hear those comments again. But lucky enough, one day I was offered to work at our UK branch for a few months. Little did I know that things would turn out to be really different. I used to live alone so I had to make breakfast, keep the place clean and get to office on time. I couldn't afford to be late since the image I build for my UK boss was crucial. Hence I always stayed simple. Just a bit of powder, lip gloss and left my hair open. I never cared how I look here because my vision was very clear, I had to do my job in the best way possible. I worked very hard. It was tiring. So when some of my colleagues from Mumbai visited ,their reactions were" ye kya hogaya? (what has happen?) In Mumbai you were so stylish but here you look like a house maid " . I told them that here no one cares about how I look. They appreciate me for the work I do and they like me for who I am. In Mumbai I had to constantly worry if my lipstick was on point or else some one would be quick to point it out. Here no one gave a damn about how I looked and I loved it. I got amazing reviews from my bosses and even got a bonus for my hard work. Along the way I realized that it wasn't how I looked that brought people and goodness into my life rather what I do and who I am. It's your vision and your values that defines you. I still have my UK friends messaging me and they remember me by my talks, efforts and cooking skills. I know I am my own kind of beautiful and I am not going to let anyone tell me otherwise. Not anymore.

- Anonymous submission

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Submission by Joshua Mathew

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By Ayshka Najib

Content writer at But Society Says